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"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire". There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels. Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels." When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why. Father Henry was planning a wedding at the close of the morning service. After the benediction Father Henry had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married. 'Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?' Father Henry requested. Immediately; nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. She left him on the sofa when the phone rang, and was back in a few seconds. "Who was it?" he asked. "My husband," she replied. "I better get going," he said. "Where was he?" "Relax. He'll be late, he's playing poker with you." In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. I would like to thank you all for coming here today to celebrate my daughter's wedding. Just for your information the seating arrangement has been specially organised with all of the people that bought large presents being placed towards the front and those that bought cheaper smaller presents at the back. (Pause) There is a special thanks for uncle Fred who is at the back for the oven glove. (Pause) The bride would like to ask uncle Fred if she could have the other glove for their Silver Wedding Anniversary. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. Stewardess: I'm sorry, Mr. Smith, but we left your wife behind in London. Mr. Smith: Thank goodness! I thought I was going deaf! I've got a good friend who married a Doctor. One day he told her: "You need to do something to spice up our love-making". Soon thereafter, he came home and found her in bed with another man who is also an M.D. "Why?" asked her husband. "You said I needed to do something to spice up our love-making; I just wanted to get a Second Opinion", she replied... Married life is full of excitement and frustration : - In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. - In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. - In the third year, they BOTH speak and the NEIGHBOURS listen. One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE! |