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20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. 19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people? 17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job. 16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer. 15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead. 14. Bad cop. No donut. 13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you? 12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence. 11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops? 10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds? 9. I pay your salary 8. So uh, you on the take or what? 7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning. 6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me. 4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist. 3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control. 2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum. 1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches? A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: There's a gun in the glove box? Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk. Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!? Driver: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation: Captain: Sir, may I see your license? Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid. Captain: Whose car is this? Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. The driver owned the car. Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it? Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box. Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it. Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body. Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk. Driver: Really? Ain't that something? And I'll bet the lying sucker told you I was speeding, too ... The Boston taxi driver backed into the stationary fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop beside him. "Name?" "Brendan O'Connor." "Same as mine. Where are you from?" "County Cork." "Same as me......" The policeman paused with his pen in the air. "Hold on a moment and I'll come back and talk about the old county. I want to say something to this fella that ran into the back of your cab." |