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Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money." On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?" Burger joint conversations nationwide M.I.T.: "I had a nervous breakdown this weekend." "Have some fries." Caltech: "I had three nervous breakdowns this weekend." "Have some fries." Yale: "I got mugged on the way to class today." "Have some fries." Brown: "I got a nose ring this weekend, Professor Smith." "Cool! Me too! Have some fries." Swarthmore: "I got a B." "Anywhere else it would have been an A. Have some fries." Princeton: "My father took away my Porsche this weekend." "Poor dear. Have some Escargot." Harvard: "Did you do anything this weekend?" "Nope. Have some fries." Williams: "Don't I know you?" "Of course you do, silly. Have some fries." Cornell: "I killed my lab partner this weekend." "Bummer. Have some fries." Columbia: "I wish I could be eating these fries at a better school." "Me too. Let's go get shot." Penn: "I wish I could be eating these fries at a better school." "Me too. Let's transfer to Columbia." Stanford: "Dude, I have so much work this weekend." "Like, chill out, dude. Have some, like, fries." Dartmouth: "Oh man, I got so trashed this weekend." "Have some beer." Tufts: "I wish I were Ivy League." "Here, drink the fry grease." |